Anna nguyen
at a poetry reading
I chose one of the few available seats and found myself under the gaze of a curious, older white woman who wanted to make small talk. She asked me where I’m from and I answered without really answering because I really hate that question. When she found out that I had only lived in Maine for a year, she asked where I had lived previously. She was delighted once she knew I lived in Lower Saxony and said that she thinks Germany is civilized. The conversation then turned into shallow geopolitics as I listened to her complain about the current administration. She talked and talked and talked. Once she was silent, I told her that it was in Germany where the police followed me, that people spat at the ground when I walked by, that I never felt safe, that the country hates immigrants and non-white people, and that the government had always been oppressively conservative. And she was momentarily silent before she said that she appreciates that at least the evil people in Germany are intelligent.
A Question for the DEI Question
Lately you have warily and wearily attended many interviews for short-term
academic positions. Once they move away from their disingenuous interest in your
biographical background, you’re asked how, if hired, you might enrich the
university.
There’s one particular question that puzzles you and it’s one you never really know
how to answer.
“How will you uphold the DEI values of the university?” A white man usually leads these interviews. And he always wears a shirt buttoned all the way to the collar. He surrounds himself with women. White women who rarely speak.
Your thoughts drift to the prominent news of the crumbling state of the university
and how a number of universities have dismantled their own DEI initiatives. And
you almost feel jealous because of their willful ignorance. Somehow they truly
believe their university is a fine institution.
And finally you speak.
“I always find that question a bit odd,” you say, slowly. “No one asks me what it’s like to be an Asian woman in a predominantly white space and no one asks me what it's like to be an instructor in a classroom where there are predominantly white students.”
You look at the faces of the white interviewers and you’re not sure if they
understand.
And then you try to answer without answering the question that isn’t about you as
much as it is about the university’s lack of accountability to people like you.
academic positions. Once they move away from their disingenuous interest in your
biographical background, you’re asked how, if hired, you might enrich the
university.
There’s one particular question that puzzles you and it’s one you never really know
how to answer.
“How will you uphold the DEI values of the university?” A white man usually leads these interviews. And he always wears a shirt buttoned all the way to the collar. He surrounds himself with women. White women who rarely speak.
Your thoughts drift to the prominent news of the crumbling state of the university
and how a number of universities have dismantled their own DEI initiatives. And
you almost feel jealous because of their willful ignorance. Somehow they truly
believe their university is a fine institution.
And finally you speak.
“I always find that question a bit odd,” you say, slowly. “No one asks me what it’s like to be an Asian woman in a predominantly white space and no one asks me what it's like to be an instructor in a classroom where there are predominantly white students.”
You look at the faces of the white interviewers and you’re not sure if they
understand.
And then you try to answer without answering the question that isn’t about you as
much as it is about the university’s lack of accountability to people like you.
Anna Nguyen had been a displaced PhD student for many years, in many different programs and departments at many different universities in many different countries. She decided to rewrite her dissertation in the form of creative non-fiction as an MFA student at Stonecoast at the University of Southern Maine, which blends her theoretical training in literary analysis, science and technology studies, and social theory to reflect on institutions, language, expertise, the role of citations, and food. She also hosts a podcast, Critical Literary Consumption. Find her @anannadroid on Twitter and Instagram.
