jennifer shikes haines
yes i have pain every day
No I don’t want to talk about it
Yes I understand you’re curious Yes I understand you believe you
care Yes I’ve tried FODMAPS Yes I’ve tried bone broth Yes I’ve tried kombucha Yes
made from a verified mother Yes I’ve tried elimination diets Yes because I’m living an elimination
diet Yes I do yoga Yes I meditate
No I don’t pray to Jesus No I don’t need to be
saved
Yes I believe in Spirit
No I don’t want to take mushrooms No cannabis gives me panic attacks
Yes I know it worked for your cousin’s best friend
No it’s still not right
for me
Yes I don’t get enough sleep Yes I turn off devices
No it’s because my knees are grenades
Yes my ankles are wasps’ nests Yes I’m elephant tired Yes a new doctor might help
No a new doctor might not help No I can’t be out in public
Yes I want to be out in public No
I can’t join your protest on the Diag No I can’t join your protest at Puffer Red’s No it’s not
just the tear gas
Yes I sense your judgment
No I won’t be going to Art Fair
Yes I’ve heard the food at Bellflower is good
No I won’t be joining you there No not even outside
Yes I do go
to medical appointments
No because I have to
Yes each one feels like a death sentence Yes I
can go to zoom meet-ups Yes I keep adding on tasks to prove worth
No it’s a sick addiction
to prove worth No to prove worth to you No to prove worth to me
Yes that makes me angry
at you Yes that makes me angry at me
No you don’t have to speak louder No my eyesight is
flailing
Yes images are blurry at night Yes my ears are blurry at night
No my brain evaporates
at 2:00 p.m. No my executive function doesn’t
Yes my astonishing memory is truly
gone Yes some days all I can manage is me
No because my body unfriended me No and it’s not really your business No I am not being
dramatic
Yes maybe I’m being dramatic
No please talk
about anything else
Yes please still talk about you
No you are not a burden
Yes you can be a burden
No only when you talk about my body
Yes my heart still beats Yes my heart still beats
for you Yes my heart still beats for my former life
No former life actually means former
Yes I will explain spoons again Yes I will explain spoons again Yes I will explain spoons again Yes
I will explain spoons again Yes I will explain spoons again Yes I will explain spoons again Yes I will
explain spoons again Yes I will explain spoons again Yes I will explain spoons
Jennifer Shikes Haines (she/her) is a retired educator and emerging older poet based in SE Michigan. She often writes about the intersection of chronic illness, aging and social justice. She is published in HNDL Mag: Highlighted Neurodivergent & Disabled Life, JAKE magazine among others and has been nominated for Best of the Net. She can be found on IG @jenshaines77 and on substack @jenh77.substack.com.
